Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
