I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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