Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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