i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Two words: blizzard sex
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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