Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Randomize
