I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm passing your future prison.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Randomize
