Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
