it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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