I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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