I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
