Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
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