My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
