I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
You pole danced in your parka.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
