Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
