I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
even my farts smell like vagina
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
