youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
