he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
