i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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