i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
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