you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
