She went from zero to smokin in five shots
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
did i walk over a car last night?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
We don't watch enough power rangers
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
