i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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