I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Randomize
