He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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