I can tuck mytits in my pants
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
