i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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