You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
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