we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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