It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Randomize
