did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
