I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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