I think im going to throw up on grandma
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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