she was so not down for the gang bang
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
