great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
