About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
