cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
