I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
