If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
