My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
