i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
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