I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
