I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
