dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
