I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
