Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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