I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
