the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
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