I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
