Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
