You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
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