At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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