He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
