Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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