I saw his package. It spoke to me.
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
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