so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
