Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
